


Two Monks Invent Fandom

by Kyra



Category: Two Monks Inventing Things (The Toast)
Genre: 21st Century, Absurd, Fandom, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Futurism, Gen, Historical, Historical Inaccuracy, Humor, Meta, Metafiction, Multimedia, Robots, Science Fiction, Silly, Work Contains Fan(s) or Fandom(s), Yuletide, Yuletide 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5464883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyra/pseuds/Kyra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two medieval monks invent fandom and the twenty-first century.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Monks Invent Fandom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laura47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laura47/gifts).



> All glory and honor to the inimitable Mallory O.

**FANFICTION**

**MONK #1:** hi

 **MONK #2:** 'sup?

 **MONK #1:** you've seen tv right  
and movies  
read books  
that kind of thing?

 **MONK #2:** oh yeah

 **MONK #1:** well  
what comes next  
i mean  
what do you do then

 **MONK #2:** secret stories  
write them for free  
only show them to the internet

 **MONK #1:** k  
any general focus?

 **MONK #2:**  mostly kissing  
and oh  
almost forgot  
make sure you feel irrationally strongly

 **MONK #1:** about?

 **MONK #2:** everything  
for fun

  
**SLASH**

**MONK #1:**  when someone writes a story  
what's a thing it can be about

 **MONK #2:** DUDES IN LOVE  
all the dudes  
in love

 **MONK #1:** huh  
even the--

 **MONK #2:** ALL OF THEM

  
**A/B/O**

 **MONK #1:** so when you're writing about dudes in love  
what's the story like

 **MONK #2:** well  
you want everyone to be wolf-like

 **MONK #1:** wolf-like?

 **MONK #2:** yeah  
with wolf roles  
and wolf relationships  
and wolf sexytimes

 **MONK #1:** okay  
anything else?

 **MONK #2:** weird penises  
weirder the better

 **MONK #1:** k

 **MONK #2:**  oh and do you have a lunar calendar?

  

**MPREG**

**MONK #1:** hey the people with uteruses  
who are they again?

 **MONK #2:** women?

 **MONK #1:** yeah  
they're the baby-having ones  
right?

 **MONK #2:** ehh

 

**SLASH, TAKE TWO**

****MONK #1:**  **so what's the thing that women do, then?

 **MONK #2:**  ah  
right  
forgot to mention  
be in love with other ladies  
def make a note of that

 

**SEX POLLEN**

**MONK #1:** what was that one way  
to get people to hook up  
the logical one

 **MONK #2:** oh that  
plants  
very sexy plants

 

**ALIENS MAKE THEM DO IT**

**MONK #1:** any others I should know about?

 **MONK #2:** well it's kind of the same thing  
but with outer space

 **MONK #1:** go on

 **MONK #2:** and people who aren't from around here  
with kinda sketchy motivation

 

**COFFEE SHOP A/U**

**MONK #1:** say you want to mix things up

 **MONK #2:** okay

 **MONK #1:** put everyone in some kind of alternate universe  
more creative  
where the stakes are higher

 **MONK #2:** ah I get where you're going with this  
you want to inject some caffeine into the situation

 **MONK #1:** yeah  
so to speak

 **MONK #2:** coffee shops  
are definitely what you need

 **MONK #1:** like...?

 **MONK #2:** everyone works in a coffee shop  
or goes to a coffee shop  
vampires  
superheroes  
vulcans  
whatevs  
now in a coffee shop  
it'll blow people's minds

  

**WINGFIC**

**MONK #1:** what are those things with wings again?

 **MONK #2:** planes?

 **MONK #1:** no the  
the feather type wings  
birds?

 **MONK #2:** oh  
no  
people

 **MONK #1:** are you sure it's not birds?

 **MONK #2:** mosdef  
the big feathery sexy kind?  
definitely people  
trust me  
I think I know something about wings

 

**RPF**

**MONK #1:** hey so people in bands

 **MONK #2:** yeah

 **MONK #1:** what do they do again  
i feel like it was something with music or ... ?

 **MONK #2:** kissing actually  
well mostly kissing  
sometimes nudity  
not sure about the music thing sry

 

**MARY SUE AND GARY STU**

  
**MONK #1:**  people's eyes  
what color are they  
generally speaking

 **MONK #2:** violet  
mostly  
MAYBE sparkling green  
definitely hiding the pain of a tragic past

 **MONK #1:** okay  
and they're for seeing?

 **MONK #2:** yeah i guess they do that too  
but primarily it's a making-people-fall-in-love-with-you thing

 **MONK #1:** gotcha

 

**GENDER SWAP**

**MONK #2:** oh hey btw  
you can ignore the smaller canon details

 **MONK #1:**  oh cool...  
like what? 

 **MONK #2:**  idk  
genitals and pronouns  
stuff like that  
  
 

**HARRY POTTER FANDOM**

**MONK #1:** that kid with the facial deformity  
and the special stick  
out of all the people he's ever met  
which ones go together?  
sexually speaking

 **MONK #2:** oh all of them  
any combo  
don't forget the house elves  
or the giant squid

 


	2. Two Monks Invent the Twenty-First Century

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .... with some help from the 19th and 20th.

**MONK #1:** hey

**MONK #2:** yo 

**MONK #1:** so when you want to cross a river

**MONK #2:** right

**MONK #1:** or like any body of water

**MONK #2:** go on

**MONK #1:** do you use a bridge  
or like a ferry?

**MONK #2:** haha  
um  
no  
what you're thinking of is balloons

**MONK #1:** on people?

**MONK #2:** people  
carriages  
horses  
anything

 

**MONK #2:** speaking of horses

**MONK #1:** yeah?

**MONK #2:** don't forget the other place you see them  
which is on stage

**MONK #1:** oh wow  
forgot about that

**MONK #2:** yeah  
usually after an unfortunate haircut

**MONK #1:** got it

 

**MONK #1:** so robots  
how many clothes do they generally wear?

**MONK #2:** hats and nothing else  
but they're otherwise very formal  
and they've got some junk in the trunk  
if you know what i mean

 

 

**MONK #1:** besides teatime  
what do robots like to do

**MONK #2:** well rollerblade of course

**MONK #1:** right

**MONK #2:** get their mustaches waxed

**MONK #1:** k

**MONK #2:** entertain the ladies

**MONK #1:** remind me  
how do they feel about that?

**MONK #2:** terrified

 

**MONK #1:** and firemen  
I know they have wings  
but like  
what kind of wings?

**MONK #2:** batlike  
strictly

 

**MONK #1:** so when you're like  
fishing underwater  
what do you wear  
ugh is this a dumb question

**MONK #2:** no, it's totally fair  
generally you want a helmet  
and all your regular clothes

**MONK #1:** mmm  
and what's the thing you're trying to catch?  
i know it's not fish

**MONK #2:** birds  
obvs  
easiest way to catch them

 

**MONK #1:**  what's the thing people like to do when they're smoking?

**MONK #2:**  anything that lets them rock out really  
especially if they can multitask

**MONK #1:** oh yeah duh  
can't believe i forgot

**MONK #2:** haha it happens  


 

****MONK #1:**  **what's the coolest thing about blimps?

**MONK #2:**  probably their posse 

**MONK #1:**  okay  
can't believe i'm asking this  
but when refrigerators get delivered  
is it by like a delivery lady or...?

**MONK #2:** delivery ladies  
multiple  
four at least  
don't forget the headgear

**MONK #1:** haha oh right  
um  
what kind of headgear?  
is worn usually

**MONK #2:** mainly spherical

MONK #1: so like astronaut helmets?

**MONK #2:** well  
not ALL of them just some

**MONK #1:** sorry yeah  
of course

**MONK #1:** and kids who use these refrigerators

**MONK #2:** also spherical headgear  
but definitely the spacesuit kind this time

**MONK #1:**  awesome thx

**MONK #2:**  np  
it's a lot to keep track of

 

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the brilliant website [Paleofuture](http://paleofuture.com/) for the majority of the images here.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] Two Monks Invent Fandom](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6030526) by [exmanhater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exmanhater/pseuds/exmanhater), [Hananobira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hananobira/pseuds/Hananobira), [kalakirya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalakirya/pseuds/kalakirya), [the24thkey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the24thkey/pseuds/the24thkey)




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